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Teeth
(the movie) I am not sure if my tastes match those of the reviewer’s (it is one way I figure out how I am going to spend my movie going dollars – the other is Rotten Tomatoes), but her review of this movie (clear, concise and mentions Donnie Darko) makes this a must see for me.
Who's
Your Dada? Tonight I went to see The Scandelles’ multidisciplinary conceptual cabaret Who’s Your Dada?. Sounds a lot more pretentious than it is. In fact, it is a whole lot sillier, sexier and interesting than it is pretentious. In it Sasha Van Bon Bon takes you on an anti-art journey that examines current themes, fads and societal concerns. I responded strongly to the piece about motherhood and protectionism of children as well as the spoof of striptease fitness athletes (which got very moving for me as a sex worker when it went into a dark and troubling direction afterwards).
Who’s Your Dada? For more information click here. Marriage
is No Guarantee This week I have had a couple of conversations about how getting married does not offer you any assurance to life long happiness and that it does not guarantee fidelity, safety, security, trust, connection or love. Sure, there can be legal and financial benefits to being married, but that can be said of most business contracts. Marriage though has other expectations imposed onto it. To be honest, I bought into this fairytale. Getting married, at first, gave me a sense of social standing that I wanted to experience. My psyche was filled with romantic notions and I am sure that gave me a sense of hope that a marriage would be a happily ever after for me. I am happy, but it is not due to a ceremony, a document or a promise. I have been married 8 years and if I had to do it again I likely would not. I did not have an expensive or extravagant wedding, but I think I would have rather invested the cost of the wedding into my retirement fund or into a down payment for a home. Yes, the day was lovely and both James and I appreciated the sense of specialness we felt by having our friends and family honour us, but we do not think it made our relationship any more satisfactory, our life views and goals any more compatible, or our appreciation for each other as individuals any stronger. It seems I am not the only one who this week has thought about the institution of marriage and the myth that it offers us protection from a host of negatives or guarantees us with a better life. Heather Corinna wrote an excellent journal entry about how, for women especially, it is not the fix all, save all that so many folks think or want it to be. A must read. A snippet...
Soldiers,
Sex and Disability One of my favourite sexuality bloggers, Cory Silverberg, posted about the recently released annual United States Army report on suicides. In the report there is a mention that the primary reason for suicide was failure with intimate relationships. In his post he notes how there is little discussion on how wounded soldiers (or even those who return from conflict without physical injuries) deal with their sexuality when they return home. It is a part of their recovery that is often neglected. Cory will be posting more about this issue in the coming days and I will be definitely be checking it out. I have acquaintances who are in the Canadian military and are involved or will be involved in the deployment to Afghanistan. While I have some serious mixed feelings about the mission itself I know I have strong feelings of support for the people involved. With every report I hear of the challenges they face, physically injured or not, the more I feel for them and their families. We so rarely talk about sex and disability. The general public does not know (or want to know or maybe even can know) how combat, injury and disability affects people’s sex lives, their love lives. Read more here. Sex
in the 1920s Raymi is fantastic life/art blogger out of Toronto and I have been checking out her site for a few years now. She writes about the food she eats, the bars she hangs out at, her clothes, her weight, her travels and a bunch of stuff that might seem pedestrian, but when she writes about it certainly is not. There is a heck of a lot of attitude to her writing and it is entertaining and insightful. She is not a sex blogger, but occasionally she will reference her sex life in a casual, silly, way (‘hugged without clothes on’). Yesterday she posted some photos of her partner’s grandmother’s 1924 journal. Raymi believes that some of those entries reference sexual activities in a slightly cryptic way. A neat read and Raymi’s commentary as always is awesome. I was reading a blog post today about perspectives on sex work and there was a comment from a woman who expressed her disdain for the fetishization of body parts (among other things). She saw it as dehumanizing. She stated she believed that sexual attraction should be about the whole person. I have heard this argument before, but I am not convinced. Yes, I think there are people who have an extremely strong fetish and cannot engage in a sexual relationship without focusing exclusively on their fetish. They end up rejecting other possibilities including developing a mutual and reciprocal relationship. Their fetish makes them very self centered and selfish in my opinion but I think whatever drives them is not any simple, cut and dry, motivation that can be explained by patriarchy or any other system or situation. One reason being - there are many who, if they are lucky enough to meet someone who is comfortable and compatible with their fetish, have mutually satisfying relationships. There seems to be some rejection of people who do not meet the status quo or a wished status quo. People who are aroused and attracted to something (be it a body part, a trait, or an actual object) that the majority of people do not usually sexualize often end up being stigmatized. Why must there must be such judgement against someone who is aroused by armpits instead of breasts, rubber clothing instead of traditional lingerie, a disability instead of an ability? I think their actions and how they treat people within their fetish is more important. I know the issue of fetishization can be dark and confusing. It triggers people’s emotions – especially in our current state of political correctness. I cannot say I do not have unresolved feelings myself. Still, I think expecting attraction and arousal to be based on the ‘whole person’ (especially as the ultimate goal of partnerships and sexual interaction) is an unrealistic idealization. I also do not think sex works that way. I think there is some differentiation and distinction that occurs and that we all do it to some degree or another. I don’t have any fetishes per say, but I certainly have some specific turn-ons (i.e. feeling a guy’s hard-on through his jeans). My husband James has certain attractions as well, but they are closer to fetishes than mine. They are much stronger and more consistent. For example, he likes feet. Not just any feet. They have to have a certain shape and look to them. He realized this, but did not understand it as a sexual turn-on, when he was a child. Once he helped his teacher look for her contact lens on the floor. Instead of looking for the contact lens he was looking at her feet. He was 9 or 10. I am not sure exactly when he first told me about his turn-on. It was early on in our relationship. My reaction at first was based on insecurity and a sense of rejection. I felt as if he only liked me for my feet and not the rest of me. Of course, this was not the case. He found other traits of mine attractive and he certainly liked me for my personality and spending time talking was one of our greatest past times (still is). Our relationship was a rich and developed one. Once I realized this I was able to embrace his turn-on. Our sex life is multifaceted and we just happen to do things, pay attention to things, and get off on things that other people dismiss as uninteresting or nonsexual. It is interesting to us. I find it interesting because I find James interesting. When he kisses my feet it is no different than when he kisses my lips, my hand, my cheek. They are all a part of me. Female
Ejaculation I have never written an article about female ejaculation because I have never come across clear, consistent research findings or clear, consistent first had accounts. Mine – gspot stimulation bores me at best, annoys me at worst and while I have created wet spots I have never ejaculate, squirted or surged. Other women in my presence – I have noticed the results to be pee-like or not at all, substantial or scant, and everything in between. I am most confused and perplexed by the subject. It seems I am not the only one and I have to admit I was relieved to read sex columnist Sasha’s recent take on it. Free
Porn & Cookie Cutter Paysites When I speak at conferences for the general public about my porn experiences one of the most common questions I get is how do people money in the porn business when there is so much free porn. First off, some free porn is used as a controlled marketing tool by paysites while a bunch is traded by individuals. Still there people who do pay for porn - often because they find it more convenient to do so, often because they want access to the freshest content available, often because they are supporters of independent pornographers like myself. These people make it possible for others to get their free fix of smut. For more on the subject I suggest you check out a recent post by Bacchus over at Erosblog. It gives an excellent overview of the difference between cookie cutter porn sites and those that feature exclusive, original content – and the connection to free porn. The
Influence of the Bra A neat little article on the history of the bra as well as some current commentary about it. My take on it? When I run it is pure comfort. When I am out and about comfort is also an issue as is fashion. Certain outfits look better in my view with certain bras. When it comes to a sexy time I like having some variety - special bras are good but I like slips best. While feminism and gender synamics are important to me, for the most part a bra is symbol of comfort and not one of power dynamics. |
Navigation Teeth
(the movie) Who's
Your Dada? Marriage
No Guarantee Soldiers,
Sex and Disability Sex
in the 1920s Fetish Female
Ejaculation Free
Porn & Cookie Cutter Paysites The
Influence of the Bra Sponsors
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