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Fetishes or Why You Have Not Seen Your Manolo Blahniks Since Dating FredA female celebrity is in the news because she has discovered her assistant to be stealing her shoes. Your girlfriend only lets loose when she is wearing her black latex corset. Otherwise, she is lying on her back and preoccupied with her taxes. You like porn, but only when it involves barefooted models with their feet covered with mud. For better or for worse, these people likely have fetishes. It is not as mysterious or as unheard of as some people make it out to be. Yes, in an extreme case it can lead to isolation and illegal acts as the aforementioned assistant learned. For others it might mean a limit to how they can experience sexual enjoyment. Finally, for some it means they have something special they share with their partner. The experience is as varied as the fetishes themselves. It may be an expression of sexuality that is different from the norm, however due to the accessibility of the Internet, it is coming out of the closet and may be much more common than we might think. What is a fetish? Fetishism is the use of non-living objects or body parts that most people would not regard as sexual in nature as one's focus of sexual arousal (Byer & Shainberg,1993; Oltmanns & Emery, 1995). -- Perceptions of Fetishism -- Dull but Necessary Psychological Perspectives Fetishism is classified by the DSM IV (the most commonly used psychological diagnostic reference tool) as a paraphilia which is a “form of sexual disorder that involve sexual arousal in association with unusual objects and situations, such as inanimate objects, sexual contacts with children, exhibiting their genitals to strangers, and inflicting pain on another person” (Oltmanns & Emery, 1995). Things get psychologically detrimental when the fetish replaces a partner as the main source of sexual arousal. For the most part fetishism is expressed in moderate ways (following the BDSM credo: safe, sane and consensual) and people with fetishes can lead socially functional lives. The concern comes in when there is a lack of human intimacy associated with the fetish. If the person with the fetish is compulsive and lacks flexibility with regard to their sexual arousal and activities, if the fetish monopolises large amounts of their time and takes up most of the person’s energy, if they experience sexual dysfunction involving desire, arousal, or orgasm during conventional sexual behaviour with a partner, there may be a problem for that individual and how he/she functions in the world. In this case, the fetish is similar to an addiction (Oltmanns & Emery, 1995). The significance and severity of a fetish is commonly determined by where it falls on a continuum. At one end of the continuum are those who express a slight preference for a fetish; next are those holding a strong preference; next are those who must have the fetish to function sexually; and finally those who substitute the fetish for a human sexual partner (Byer & Shainberg, 1991). Non-Living Objects - Being Turned On By a Thing-a-ma-jig What is considered to be a non-living object can be agreed upon by those in most cultures. Though why certain objects are fetishised more than others or at all likely lies in its significance to a society or of an individual’s perception of the object. There are many theories (biochemical, social learning, behaviourism), none of which have entirely satisfactorily explained it. Certainly, a fetish of an object can not exist until the object has been invented. For example, rubber clothes - such a fetish could not have existed until the material had been created. Nor, could someone fetishise the material until they had encountered it. It is possible that some experience with the object triggers some innate mechanism and an association is made. Body Parts - Not the Horror Movie Whether a body part is commonly considered to be sexual or not is debatable as well. If one examines it from a cross cultural point of view, there are certain body parts which are eroticised while others are not. The American fixation on female breasts is really fetishism by popular consensus. Women who opt for breast augmentation can bear testimony to the American equation of buxom and sexy. What we believe to be sexually acceptable is always culturally determined. In America even disfigurements of the female form, such as implants that result in titanic but non functional protrusions, are sometimes admired. In Japan, for example, the nape of the neck is tantalisingly sexy; in some African cultures, bulky haunches are a paradigm of femininity; in China, it’s a petite foot” (Brame, Brame & Jacobs, 1993). The struggle lies in whether what you find sexually arousing is of your culture’s norm. “To be out of sexual syncopation with your society’s beauty standards puts one at a distinct disadvantage; the American man who prefers a foot to a breast is likely to be viewed with discomfort or antipathy” (Brame, Brame & Jacobs, 1993). How Is It Most Commonly Expressed? Often a fetish is one that combines a non-living object with a body part. This is most often seen in those who are aroused by the combination of a person wearing an item of clothing on the body. Say a foot in a shoe, or legs wearing pantyhose. The person may become aroused when wearing the items themselves or it may be when another person is wearing the item. However, the item alone would not be sufficient for arousal in this case, neither would be the body part. Commonly mentioned fetishes include: feet, toes, legs, shoes, nylons, stockings and boots; lingerie and corsets; lace, leather, PVC, fur, silk, velvet and satin; rubber and latex. In the past the fetish for fur was quite common as was the now obscure fetish for red cockades and collar stays. Some present-day fetishes include zippers, plaster leg casts, robots and disposable diapers (Brame, Brame & Jacobs, 1993). With incredible inventions awaiting us, who knows what the future will bring to the world of fetishes. Misuse of the Word Fetish People will often use the word fetish when in fact they are referring to a preference or an attraction. This is greatly influenced by mass media presentations of certain objects. Something that is portrayed as sexy and valuable can be devoured by consumers as such. Take leather and PVC for example. It is trendy to wear such things. The perception is that they are powerful and alluring items of clothing. Someone wearing leather and PVC may feel attractive wearing them, but the materials themselves do not bring about sexual arousal. It is a stylistic preference not a fetish. The term fetish when applied to culturally common sexualised body parts is a flawed use of the word. As breasts and asses are sexualised in our Western view of the body, one can not say one has an ass fetish or a breast fetish. To be a fetish, the body part must not be regarded as sexual in nature by most people within the culture being considered. The word fetish is also misused when applied to acts. The indulgence in watersports (sexual play through urination) is not a fetish, but instead a not-too-common sexual act. Neither is anal sex. Yes, it is not as prevalent as penis-vaginal intercourse and it is perhaps taboo for some groups of people. However, it is not an object or body part, it is not a fetish. Some of the confusion likely arises because there is some overlap in the three major types of paraphilias. “Only 37 percent of men who practice fetishistic transvestism, 32 percent of men who practice sexual sadism and masochism and 12 percent of those who practice fetishism exhibited those interests exclusively” (Oltmanns & Emery, 1995). Likewise, people are not fetishes. It is quite common for people to say that they have fetish for Asians or Hispanics. Perhaps they have a strong sexual attraction for people who are Asian or Hispanic, but since Asians and Hispanics are obviously people and not non-living objects or body parts, they can not be fetishised. At best that is a preference or an attraction, or when it interferes with social functioning, an exclusionary paraphilia. What Does That Mean for Internet Porn? Fetishism has always had a place in the media. Since the invention of the printing press, sexuality and what people find arousing have been the subject of books, journals and magazines. Within the last five to ten years the Internet has emerged as a new medium for the exchange of ideas and imagery pertaining to fetishism. People now have an increased ability to have access to such material. The upside is that fetishists do not feel so isolated. They can more easily communicate with those with a shared fetish. The pornographic material abounds and so there is a plethora of sites catering to nearly every possible fetish. Once you are surfing the web it can be easy to be misled. There is the misuse of the word which can lead you to a teen virgin site or to a site for some perfume called fetish instead of a site on your desired fetish. People may also have to search to find their exact fetish. There are very specific pantyhose and stocking fetishes which have their own respective sites. A person who enjoys classic stockings may become quite peeved if pictures of models wearing nylons and pantyhose are among pictures of their fetishised item. A little diligence and patience is required until you can find what you want. With this grand and diverse domain at our finger tips, we can be reassured that we are not alone in our desires. We can more easily enjoy what we find to be arousing, be it a fetish or something more conventional, in a safe and consensual manner. As long as we do not cross the line so that it engulfs us or hurts others, we can find solace and arousal at the same time. What can result is a respect between people who have different desires. We can appreciate the diversity that is the human sexual experience. However, some people just won’t understand why some people find robots erotic, but will find it perfectly acceptable that he/she is aroused by women wearing diving gear. Sexuality is so highly individual. Resources For quality reviews and accurate listings of sites related to a variety of fetishes, please do check out Jane’s Guide. Go to website reviews and click on Fetish and BDSM. Sources Brame, G., Brame, W., & Jacobs, J. (1993). Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance & Submission. New York: Villard. Byer, C., & Shainberg, L. (1991). Dimensions of Human Sexuality. Dubuque: Wm. C Brown Publishers. Oltmanns, T., & Emery, R. (1995). Abnormal Psychology. Englewood Cliffs: Prentice-Hall. Panati, C. (1998). Sexy Origins and Intimate Things: The Rites and Rituals of Straights, Gays, Bi’s, Drags, Trans, Virgins and Others. New York: Penguin Books. Steele, V. (1996) Fetish: Fashion, Sex & Power. New York: Oxford University Press |
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