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ThreesomesPart 1Dear Seska, I am interested in having a threesome with my girlfriend. How can I get her to have one? Paul First off, have you shared your fantasies with your girlfriend? That is a first step. You certainly need to talk about them before you act on them. Gauge her reaction. Hopefully, your fantasies share common ground. If they do, then you can move toward doing something about them. Keep in mind though when you add a third person to a sexual duo, it can get messy. Now, let’s get a little more specific. What kind of threesome are we talking about? You, your girlfriend and another gal (M-F-F)? Or do you want to bring another guy into the picture (M-M-F)? The Bi Factor Porn might make it seem like every gal is bisexual, but it just is not so. Most gals are quite happy with men and are not the least bit interested in being sexual or intimate with another woman - just as most guys just dig women. These numbers seem to be consistent in the research I have come across. Bi guys might seem like they are an extinct species. They were all the rage in the 1970’s, but you don’t see too many of them around these days. However, they are still out there. If that is what tickles your fancy, all you need to know is where to look. Unfortunately, I have heard of quite a few situations where the male in the equation encourages his female partner to get it on with another gal when women, in fact, do not turn her on. If that is the case, you should ask yourself, would I be interested in doing a dude just because it was my girlfriend’s fantasy. If your answer is yes, then you can certainly try discussing all sorts of sexual options together, but the bottom line is that if she says no, well that means no. Just as she should respect your sexual preference and orientation. Even if it is the case that you want to involve a bisexual gal into the mix, you do need to keep in mind that such women are not there to serve the desires of a couple searching for the ultimate sex doll. Just because a woman is bisexual doesn’t mean that she wants to have sex with women and men simultaneously. She might just want you or your girlfriend for herself. Bisexual does not equal promiscuity or having multiple sex partners. Of course, there are folks who participate in threesomes with no same sex interactions. In a M-F-F scenario you can take turns with the gals or have them do you at the same time. The same goes for a M-M-F scenario. I have had some very enjoyable experiences with two guys who are not bisexual, but also not afraid of being sexual in front of other guys – or accidentally touching one another once and while (it is a running joke in swinger and porn circles that you should be prepared to touch another guy’s balls when you get in some of those crazy threesome sexual positions). More on threesomes tomorrow. Seska Lee back to top - back to advice archive Part 2Set Up Some Guidelines When you start seeking out a threesome you need to make sure you and your partner are on the same page. Everyone has his or her comfort zone. Everyone has his or her personal boundaries. You need to figure out what those are and respect them. Otherwise, you will end up jeopardizing your primary relationship. A few guidelines to get you started:
Be prepared for a worst-case scenario Make sure you and your partner have your shit together. Deal with insecurities, self-esteem issues, body image issues, jealousy and all those sorts of things before you invite someone into your sex life. No one needs or wants to deal with your baggage. Keep in mind that not everyone has the same sexual or social chemistry. What happens if your partner is having a really good time with the other person and you feel left out? This happens way more than you think. Think of the Friends episode where Ross’ wife says she wants a threesome and it turns out that what she really wanted was to have sex with another woman not him. It is an extreme example, but this has been known to happen. So, you think you have everything covered? Once you feel that as a couple you are ready to find that third person, whom do you choose? How do you find an interested, available person? You can go a few different ways. Often people hook up with a mutual friend. It does have the risk of affecting your relationship with the friend. It can make social situations uncomfortable or it could lead to a stronger attachment to the friend. I suppose it depends on the people involved. You could put up an ad or search adult personals. It might take a few tries before you find someone compatible with both you and your partner. Not everyone is what he or she portrays himself or herself to be online. However, just the search for a suitable person might ignite an extra spark in your sex life. Checking out swingers’ clubs is a good option. It is such a good feeling to hang out with like-minded people. Even if you do not always meet the man, woman or couple of your dreams, you can make some good friends and who knows where that might lead. If it is just sex you are after you might want to consider looking into the services of a professional (if that is legal in your neck of the woods). This way it is all about the sex and helps you avoid making emotional attachments or experiencing jealousy. Seska Lee |
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